Chiapas 1994

Chiapas, Mexico, 1994 August


I flew out of LAX at 12 midnight on Tuesday the 9th of August. Arrived at Mexico City at 5:30 am on Wednesday the 10th. waited in a restaurant called the Baron Roja. Made the plane to Tuxtla at 7:30 am. As I left the airport terminal someone said, “Are you a Norris?”. It was Tom and it was a good guess as I was the only gringo getting off the plane. We hugged and walked over to a cafe. As he was ordering me a coke and tamale a policeman came over and asked me to respond to some questions. I told him to wait. Thomas returned and told him I was “solo un touristo”. If I had been a journalist I was required to fill out all these forms because of the election. Then we took a ride in a Ford Bronco for two hours as I nodded in and out of sleep the car careened up switch backs into the mountains of Chiapas. At last we arrived and I took a nap.
We walked to the center of town and rented a bike then went to Thomas’ office.

Took the 1 am bus to Palenque. Arrived at 5:30 am. Had a quesadilla at a small cafe. Took bus to hippy/hammock/RV park near the ruins. set up our hammocks (one was rented) I napped while Tom went and bought mushrooms down the road from some old woman wandering around a cow pasture. I remember when we first walked into the area that the thatched huts where we were going to stay were, i saw a pretty girl putting on her underwear. While it was still early we walked to the ruins of Palenque I took many photos then returned and bought orange juice at the restaurant by the palapas and some chamomile tea to mix with the mushrooms. we mixed the fresh purple psilociben mushrooms with the tea and several vials of ginseng/royal jelly.
Very tasty. It started raining and the two beautiful Dutch girls were running past our hammocks with big grins. Tom got into his bathing suit and went exploring. I was slower in coming on but finally got up and walked into the rain forest with Tom past a barb wire fence and sign that said in English: “Do not enter the ruins this way, if you are caught you will be expelled from the trailer park.” Right away we were in the heart of the rain forest and even though it was pouring rain not a drop reached us. The canopy rattled with the hard falling rain but absorbed it all. I took my glasses off and looked up and saw fractal patterns of green and gold made from the blurred image of the sky through the leaves. We found a small stream that cascaded though rock formation that looked man-made. I said, “Walt Disney would be proud.” The river had eaten such intricate patterns in the stone it looked like placed stones. All was peace. No bugs, no animals, just lush, thick, breathing life. I peaked. We picked a great big flower- all orange and plastic-looking-like a torch. As we left we realized that just next to the barbed wire we entered through was an ancient Maya ruin. Just there in the jungle-untouched, covered in roots and leaves.
We returned to our palapa, bought some beer and chips and ate the dried mushrooms. A young Mexican named Efaigm moved into the palapa next to ours and we invited him over for a beer. He had just come from seeing some ruins over the border in Guatemala. We offered him some mushrooms. We talked about the elections, literature, Don Juan, and the new spirit our generation is bringing into the world. We lit candles. I had a fitful sleep because of the cold and I was worried after finding an ant (they bite!) in my blanket-that there were more. Then in the middle of the night I heard a terrifying growl that rose in pitch until it was deafening and seemed to fade back and forth from one side of the jungle top the other. As it would begin to die down there would be a few quick barks from one side and it would start up again. Tom was sound asleep. I thought the jungle was rising up to crush us. It sounded like hundreds of tigers or jaguars all orchestrating their growls. It was in fact small howling monkeys.
The next day, after breakfast (Corn flakes), I wandered around taking pictures, then went back to the restaurant (Maya Bell) for a beer. The two Dutch girls were sitting with an American hippie bicyclist from San Luis Obisbo. I joined them and began polite conversation. Marjere, the frizzy haired brunette was filling out a psychological test from a woman’s magazine. When she was done she was disappointed because it said she was powerful like Katherine Hepburn. She is a Pisces. Annamieke is a Scorpio. Annamieke reminds me of Sophie so perhaps she has Libra rising. She also looks like Sophie with blond hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. Steel blue eyes that meet yours and have a mirth in them. Both seemed to like me at the time and I had no thought other than to get to know them better. I think Marjere is more romantic than she thinks, perhaps also shy. Annamieke is very playful and (as it turns out) passionate. I invited them to visit San Christobal, and we were leaving that night. They agreed and I told them I would stop by their palapa and give them the address. I was elated - they both were so beautiful, they laughed at my jokes, and they listened to my philosophizing intently.
When I returned to the palapa Tom was gone (to town to buy bus tickets). so I went and sat with Ephraim for awhile. Tom returned and we three relaxed and talked more in our palapa. I bought beers. I told Tom about the visiting Dutch girls. Ephraim said I was in love. I agreed.
Annemieka and Marjere returned from the village and passed by our palapa. I asked if they had a cigarette, they said yes but I would have to come and get it. I said that was fair. I asked Tom to write our address to give them but before I got up to go to their palapa, Annemieka brought me a cigarette. After she left Ephraim said “she likes you” and smiled. I went to the store for more beer and cigarettes and I bought two scarves. I brought the beer back for Tom and Ephraim and then I went and gave the scarves to the girls. I gave them Tom’s address. They offered me Tequila and I sat and talked with them for awhile. Later Ephraim joined us. A friend of the dutch travel agent came by to borrow a candle and we invited him to stay and talk and drink Tequila. Later I suggested we all have dinner together. When I went back to the palapa, Tom was all packed. We went to dinner, our cab was scheduled to come at 9pm so we could catch the 10pm bus back to San Christobal. (San Christo-bosnia as someone put it).
We had all just settled into dinner when our cab came. The six of us sat at the table just so: Annemieka, Marjere, and me on one side, the new guy, Tom and Ephraim on the other. Marj kept telling me that Annemieka wanted something from me and then they both would giggle. Tom and I left and had to take a later bus, so we arrived at San Christobal at 4am. We took a cab home and fell right to sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking of Annemieke. (Still can’t!).
The next day Tom and I went to the mercado. I took lots of photos. We bought food and candles and herbs for tea. That night at around 7 we took acid. 5 hits in a glass of water. Tom got the acid from a guy that synthesized the stuff at UC Berkley in the 60’s and has been perfecting ever since, so it was very pure. I only had about a third of the glass. It took effect almost immediately. I had built a fire. Tom cleaned the bathroom. I saw elemental particles and moving fractal patterns in the walls. Tom talked about some visions and plans for video stratification. I sensed my shadow even when there was no light behind me as if there were a bright energy always at my back. I looked at a picture of Sophie and she winked at me. I was able to travel back to the moment I took the picture. I remember she frowned because she didn’t want me to take her picture, so I clicked one and then quickly another, then she shyly smiled, then I fired off six more using the motor drive, and the smile grew into a grin. So I’m looking at this picture and I was there body and soul. I remembered everything I felt and thought. I remembered being in love for the first time. I had trouble coming down but the music and the fire helped. I was on that level where time had literally stopped and I was at one with everything. Tom was speaking of conspiracy theories and at that level I was pretty paranoid. I had to reevaluate my relationship with reality. I thought of Annemieka and the look in her eyes. It was very like the way Sophie would look at me with some mirthful thought glinting through.
Tom and I talked about technology and the interconnectivity that was soon to be unleashed. We wrote some ideas down and Tom put them in a suitcase with some Cambodian postcards that we became convinced were three dimensional and he wanted to go out and find a notary public to seal it up. It was 3am and I was able to convince him that we should stay indoors. Tom told me he was gay, which seemed to make sense, although Ginnie and my dad both seemed to think he had a girlfriend.
We gauged the length of the trip by how far down a huge Our Lady of Guadeloupe candle had burned down. To her eyes! I pointed out. I wrote ‘to her eyes’ as a toast and a record.
Tom went to work late the next day and I slept in until I heard a loud banging on the gate. I instantly knew it was Annamiekee and Marjere. Tom had told them to bang loudly as there was no bell. I was up and dressed when they came to the door. I was overjoyed.
They were tired and dirty from the bus ride so they both took showers. I put their packs in my room ( which had two single beds). I made coffee. I told them I was going into town to do laundry, and they also wanted to do this. So later we walked ( I carried their bag of laundry) down the street and got on a collectivo to the mercado. From there we walked to the laundry. Then we went to the zocalo and had beers and some food. We met Maria, a young Lancandon indian girl and her friends. They were selling little Zapatista dolls. I remember touching Annamieke on her bare arm and feeling an electrical pulse. We met Tom in the zocalo. I told him we had guests and he took the news graciously. he was going to dinner with Brent Berlin. Annamieke and I bought a bottle of red wine and a bottle of Tequila. We went to the galleria. We went back for our laundry which wasn’t done yet (tomorrow at 6 they said). Then we took a cab home.
We drank the wine and talked philosophy, smoked cigarettes and listened to music in front of the fire. They lay in the big hammock I had streched out in the living room. I felt giddy in my idiocy - trying to impress them. Tom came home and we all talked for awhile, then he went to bed. Soon after Marj went to bed also. I began to play with Annemieke’s toes as she lay in the hammock and we talked. Her toes were each insured for 5000 guilder. It was just a look in her eye, a playful spark, and soon we were kissing. I clambered into the hammock and we tussled and played as we kissed more and more passionately. This went on for some time. I would stoke the fire or change the music, we would smoke and take shots of Tequila and touch and kiss more. I felt such joy just looking in her eyes. Finally, she said she should go to bed or Marj might be jealous, or lonely. I was so happy I couldn’t protest. I was at that stage where I wanted to love and to love unconditionally. I know I had shown her my passion for her and I sensed she was happy to be with me and I felt to petition her to stay, or to seem sad would be selfish.
The next morning Tom was up first and went off to work. Later I heard the girls talking dutch in my room. From my hammock I could see as they each walked to the bathroom in their underwear. I got up, started coffee and arranged breakfast: cornflakes with banana and mango and espresso. I was in a bit of a daze and I think they could sense it. Annemieka gave me some B vitamins for my hangover, and I took a Prozac. I was still groggy (mushrooms, LSD, wine, and Tequila plus falling madly in love could have been part of the feeling.) They suggested I rest while they go explore the town. I agreed and we arranged to meet at the zocalo at 3pm. They left and I rested. Annemieka had suggested that she didn’t like my gotee. I shaved it off.
I walked to town at around 2:30. Annemieka had set her travel alarm for 2 so it went off while I was in the shower. I took lots of pictures on the way and met them at the zocalo.
They had a stuffed goat toy for me. They had met with Maria again and had been invited to her house to meet her family. I was parched from the walk over so I stayed and had a beer while they went to post some letters. When they came back, Maria had shown up and we followed her to her home. I stopped occasionally to take pictures of colorful doors and such. At times I held Annemieke’s hand and felt like a teenager.
Maria’s home was at the foot of the mountain in a very poor barrio. her home was just a concrete shack with dirt floors and a corrugated roof. Her family was warm and inviting. Marj took a group portrait. They had changed into their sunday whites to welcome us. Then after some awkward moments we left. Maria walked us back to the zocalo. It was there the girls asked if I wanted to go my own way, I had said earlier that I needed to go to see Tom at CIES to make some calls. I realized I wasn’t showing any emotion, but they had said they wanted to buy a bus ticket and I had become disconsolate at the thought of them leaving.
They wanted to get a cool drink and I thought of a place I had passsed a few days earlier that had a nice patio. I felt awkward because I didn’t know where I was or how to get there and yet I wanted to take them someplace they would like, something to make them want to stay. I was able to find the place but they had shown doubt when I was unsure and this put me in a mood.
We had fruit shakes, pineapple for Marj, banana for Anne, and mango for me. I was able to cheer up a bit when I was able to explain that I was sad because they were leaving so soon. I thought I saw a glimmer in Annemieke’s eye that warmed me and told me to enjoy the moment. (no one likes a sour puss). She has a playful spirit and I felt I could play along. I wanted to touch her and swim in the blue oceans of her eyes. But I didn’t want to ignore Marj and I sensed whenever Anne and I connected that she felt left out. I suggested we get our laundry and get cleaned up and Tom could help them figure out which bus to take to Guatemala. We got the laundry and I thought we should go to CIES to see Tom and then go to the bus station. So we got a cab.
Alejandro was the only person at CIES but he very kindly explained which bus to take and some place to see in Guatemala. he also took us to the colectivo bus that would take us to the bus station. I was very sad at this point because I knew they would have to buy a ticket for very early the next morning. I sat by myself on the bus.
My spirits were lifted when they bought the 9:30 tickets instead of the 7am bus. I suggested that we take our laundry home, freshen up and have a nice dinner in town.
We got a cab in front of the bus station and because I couldn’t remember the street name he was giving us all kinds of attitude. I thought I could direct him once we got to the barrio San Diego. I missed a turn and we ended up on a dead-end street. He stopped and was babbling that he wanted to be paid and we could get out here. I told him to back up and go to the barrio San Diego but he started cussing at us. The girls got out ( he had turned off the engine). I was still trying with my lousy spanish to get him to take us somewhere else but Marj pulled me out and said that he was trouble. I offered him two pesos but he threw them back at me. Annemieka grabbed my bag off the seat as the cab drove away.
We were left in a dark street with a bunch of loitering thugs at one end, catcalling us. We walked quickly up the street and they followed. We finally stopped a cab (a VW bug “I love these cars!” said Marj. He took us home without incident and was very nice.
Once home we all changed into our newly laundered clothes. Talked more, then we walked down to the highway and got a cab to the Madre Tierra restaurant. We sat at a table but they didn’t take visa and I only had 50 pesos so we went to the galleria. As we arrived we met a Spaniard and his american girlfriend that the girls had met at the beach. They joined us for some beers. The couple had met at Georgetown University. She lived in Florida and had just been to Cuba. They sat with us as we ate, we continued with interesting conversation and then we all went downstairs for more beers. Then we danced! We really danced. The band was playing Santana and the Gypsy Kings and all sorts of things and we all just grooved. Anne, Marj and I relaxed after the final song but the Georgetown contingent made the bongo player play on so they could dance an erotic samba. We all talked some more then went home. I carried the address with me so there was no problem with the cab, except that as I was saying goodbye to the couple from georgetown I almost sat on a woman in the front seat.
Marj asked that I build a fire to dry her towel, so I did. They packed as I busied myself with the fire. Marj went to bed and Anne relaxed in the hammock. We talked and I expressed myself to her eloquently. She took off her pants and I got her a blanket then crawled into the hammock with her. We kissed and caressed. I could look into her eyes and fall deeply into the cool glittering water of her soul. I was on fire. I touched gently her brow and temple. I grasped her muscles around her spine and pressed her closer. i inhaled her aroma. I loved her with every molecule I could control.
Tom came home to find us enraptured. She was still in her sexy black underwear and a oversized sweater. I was wearing my pants but not my shirt. He was stoned and sat and talked with us for longer than he needed to, although Annemieka listened politely and asked questions. He went to bed.
We playfully disrobed each other. Naked under the blanket we continued to stare into each others eyes as we touched and caressed. She seemed to have such joy in her eyes. That we made love seemed to be of secondary consequence.
We fell asleep coiled as one. I could not have been more comfortable wrapped in her, in a blanket, in a hammock. I held her and she held me. We matched the timing of our breaths. I know is seems like I’m describing a physical lust being satisfied but it was more like a spiritual bonding. The key was her eyes and I could imagine or hope that she could tell also through my eyes or touch how I felt. I caressed her empathetically, I could sense in my own body how and where to touch her.
You see, I know I could meet someone as pretty or as sexy or as kind as her but she was an archetype.
The next morning the alarm went off several times and each time Annemieka shut it off and we cuddled more. Finally Marj was up and Anne asked me to make coffee and breakfast. I graciously acquiesced. They prepared to go and I made myself busy with the coffee. Each time Annemieka came near I would touch or kiss her. Deep french kisses and electric caresses.
So we go - off to the bus. I’m at a general loss as to what to say. I’m thinking that I’m letting the most valuable prize I’ve ever been offered slip away. I mean I will have to go to Holland if I ever want to see her again. I am consoled because I know that if it is a greater feeling than lust then letters to each other will bear this out. So much of what I cannot say is expressed physically - not as lust - because I touch not to seduce or to fulfil my own desires but to wordlessly express my longing not to be alone spiritually. I sensed Annemieka understood this. Whether this is true will be borne out though our ability to confirm this with written words from great distances. I hope I’m right because true love is rare.